ERIC/BILLY:
Hey, hey, hey. Look what we've got here, another patriotic son, a
brand new fearless warrior...
RON:
Hi, I'm Ron.
BILLY:
Come to fight for our country and protect the American Way.
RON:
Yeah, well, hi guys. (HE moves to unpack.)
BILLY:
So where you from. Rod?
RON:
Ohio. It's, uh, Ron.
BILLY:
Ohio? What part of Ohio, Bob?
RON:
It's Ron.
BILLY:
Like I say. Rick, you from Cleveland or that other city? Whaddaya
call it? Begins with a C.
RON:
Cincinnati and it's Ron.
BILLY:
Yeah, yeah, Columbus, Ohio. What a happening town. How long you live
there, Joe?
(RON
grabs BILLY by the collar.)
RON:
What's a matter with you? You got some gripe with me? The name's
Ron. Use it. (Lets HIM go.)
I figure this whole Vietnam routine is going to be tough enough on
its own. I came here to fight the Viet Cong. Not you. So knock it off.
BILLY:
Okay, okay. Geez. A guy makes one little mistake. (Thinks.)
Ohio.
RON:
Ohio, what?
BILLY:
I'll just call you Ohio if that's all right with you. I'm having a
little trouble remembering that other name. So what do you say, Ohio?
RON:
(Tired of it.)
Fine, fine. And I'll call you Mississippi.
BILLY:
I'm Big Bad Bill. (Shows his hat,
"Big Bad Bill" written on the band.)
See, it says so right there.
RON:
Well, Big Bad Bill, I hope your mouth doesn't always run on
automatic like this. I'm the strong and silent type, you know
what I mean?
BILLY:
Oh, you'll get over that soon enough. You need every buddy you can
get in Vietnam, man. Plus, you got a lot to learn.
RON:
About what?
BILLY:
Peanut butter, for one.
RON:
Peanut butter?
BILLY:
It's one of Charlie's favorite magic tricks. Charlie's our pet name
for the Viet Cong. He puts insect repellent in a small can of peanut
butter - booby trap. Now you see the GI, now you don't.
RON:
I guess you guys don't eat too much peanut butter.
BILLY:
Clean lost my appetite for peanut butter. I wanna grow old, if you
know what I mean. Hey, want to see something? (Takes
pictures from inside of his hat.) Is
that the most beautiful girl in the world, or what?
RON:
She's hot.
BILLY:
One gorgeous babe. Linda, Linda, Linda. (Kisses
picture.) I know, I know what you're
thinking. How did somebody with a mug like mine rate a chick that is
100% prime time gorgeous like her.
RON:
(Laughs.) I was wondering.
BILLY:
She loves me for my mind.
RON:
Oh, man, get outta here.
BILLY:
Hey, it just happens that I got a very high I.Q.
RON:
Yeah, right.
BILLY:
Hey, I was a brain surgeon before I got drafted.
